Math was never my thing. No matter how often or how many others tried to be of assistance, it just didn’t seem to take. However, I do have a favorite math concept: absolute value. The symbol for absolute value is two lines on either side of the number. |x| This works pretty well for me and Bonnie. I use her armrests as my absolute value lines.
As long as I am in between the lines, or in absolute value, I am OK. Bonnie supports my back and provides a pretty soft cushion. If the temperature is too high, I can always find a freezer section. And I typically enjoy the company I keep. I’m honestly just fine sitting here, when I am in absolute value.
Outside the Lines
But, if I go outside of the lines to the right or back to the past, I’m pretty sad that I can’t do what I used to do ie; dancing The Cotton Eyed Joe at the 24th of July Celebration in Burlington, WY, playing No Bears Are Out Tonight on warm summer nights with nieces and nephews. swimming, waterskiing, light hiking and enjoying nature. Living in the past, or focusing on what we can’t do in the present, is not a place I would encourage anyone to hang out in.
If I go outside of the absolute value lines to the left, or to the future, I become anxious about what might happen as this disease progresses. Honestly, I’m not very good at predicting the future. I have no idea what medicine may be developed or what other situations I may encounter pre-progression. So spending time worrying about the future is a waste of energy I need to use to send my 40 messages.
I once read an author using an analogy to encourage readers not to attempt to predict the future based on current knowledge. (I am not finding this reference to give proper credit to the author, but it was not my original thought. If you know the reference can you please add it in the comments?) The author stated that if an unborn baby could speak the baby might say that it was unable to leave the womb…ever. The baby might state that it had need of the umbilical cord to receive nourishment. The baby would be unaware that organs such as the lungs and heart, and systems such as respiratory and digestive had been formed and would be working after birth. Whenever I get anxious about the future I have to remind myself I am judging the future on my present day situation, understanding and knowledge. (This is an analogy not an argument about when life starts.)
Traction to Move
In the present, or in absolute value, is the only time the tread of Bonnie’s wheels touch the ground. That’s really the only time I can move. When I’m in the past there’s no movement, just memories, and as great as they may be they don’t fuel movement.
If I am in the future I’m worried about how I’m going to move. Anxiety likes to paralyze our present decisions and actions by focusing us on future possibilities. I remember one of my doctors telling me that when my brain attempts to send a message to my body I need to send 40 messages in hopes that one will make it through the gap in my spinal cord. So if I’m looking at a future place, even just two feet in front of me that I want to move to, the message of my future goal interferes with the 40 messages to lift my foot, My ability to actually move In the moment is then compromised.
I often meet individuals trying to decrease anxiety. Their anxiety is crippling them from current living. When you focus on making current decisions your confidence about making future decisions increases and anxiety decreases. One skill my patients and I practice is doing what you can do in the moment, being present.
Distracted
A current reality is being present but not being in the present. Examples include distracted drivers, rooms full of people who are engaging with others not in the room or student’s homework taking s a lot longer to do because they have to keep checking their social media. We might all think we’re better at multitasking than we really are. There is an abundance of research on the toll multitasking takes on productivity. (This online link provides a good reference list .https://www.apa.org/research/action/multitask.) In my experience, productivity is even further decreased when we are focused on the future to the point that we are missing the present.
I recommend trying out the power of the present by living in absolute value.
A paradigm well addressed and not at alleasily incorporated until it becomes “second nature.” I am enjoying looking for the reference you cited. It seems Stephen Hawking should have addressed something similar.
Keep looking! Hawking is younger than this author but agreed.
Loved reading this, EmRee! I am sure my moments of cyclical anxiety are born from worrying about what might happen in the future, and my moments of paralyzing sadness are from when I dwell on things that have already transpired. I love the way you put this: focusing on the absolute value.
Who knew math was so applicable?